Thursday, November 14, 2013

From A Landlord to Being Homeless To A Loving Elderly Care Home

         
The day I posted the blog on 26 OCtober 2013 (seen below), all I had with me was a sense of hope.

Hope to find relatives or friends of Mrs & Mr R.C Menon. Hope they will be taken home by their daughter. Hope their homelessness and state of abandonment by children goes away like a bad dream.

These hopes were not supposed to become a reality.

What came by is the biggest surprise for a materialistic society where the son and daughter of Menon uncle and daughter belong. There is hope for humanity in the form of ALL who helped to find the elder care home, Santhitheeram, who gave legal guidance, who contributed to the INR 50K needed to deposit and who accompanied them till their new home.

As I close the blog with this update, the last 18 days took me through roads, streets and lanes I never travelled before, threw up questions on the lack of respect towards parents in their old age, why people forget all the noise made when alive will result in silence when soul departs. What uncle and aunt’s children lost is the single opportunity every child gets in their lifetime: Give back care, love and compassion to parents which they showered on you when you were children.

Never seen before hands and hearts took this big fall of uncle and aunty in their sunset age, gifting them comforts of an elderly care home called Santhitheeram.

Between October 26 2013 and 14 November 2013, we had a surge of humane and genuine help coming from various quarters to get a home for uncle and aunty. I have to mention all the names and their role in my closing blog as you are all angles for mankind for humanity!

-          Sunil Venugopal, Tigy thankachan, Mili Francis, Smitha Sadananthan, Bismi Azar, Maya Gomez  and Sudheer Mohan’s friends Anitha, Priya Menon, Jayadas Chelur, Shiek Afzal for being benevolent with your contributions towards the Trust

-          Sreejith IPS, DIG and Head of Human Rights Commission who gave very precise guidance and timely support from other government agencies

-          ACP Hari Shankar, IPS of Trichur and ACP Jayaraj, Guruvayoor for having taken care of all legal formalities and overall charge of uncle and aunty from today

-          Mr K N Satheesh , District Collector Trivandrum and the District Welfare officer for giving their order as approval to shift uncle and aunty to Santhitheeram

-          Dr. Thulasi Bai and her team at Santhitheeram, who accepted them into their Trust for further stay, gave a very warm welcome to our uncle and aunty by waiting eagerly for their arrival

-          Tigy Thankachan who drove uncle and aunty from Trivandrum to Trichur in his personal car along with his assistant Anu and head constable Mr. Balakrishnan of Medical college police station, took care of their admission requirements, helped with pictures of their settling moments

-          Rajendran Uncle and Beena aunty for having driven around Trichur to check out addresses I had forwarded of elder care homes, having approved Santhitheeram and also promising to offer their services at the Trust in days to come

-          Aparna V, sister of my friend Durga Devi, who recommended Santhitheeram to begin with

-      My mom, Lakshmi Devi who ensured uncle and Leela aunty wore new clothes and bought saris, shirts, dhotis, towels and essentials to replace their old and worn out clothes

-          Bismi Azar, Maya Gomez from Inner Wheel club Trivandrum Blossoms who played very integral part of this initiative by being there to meet anybody and everybody we needed to get approvals etc.

-          All my Inner Wheel Trivandrum Blossoms club members who played a key part by supporting the cause

Please take care of your parents because you get them as your own only in this lifetime.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

From A Landlord to Homeless


From A Landlord to Homeless

This is not fiction and my blog is not being posted for sympathy but for genuine help. 

I am a member of Inner Wheel Blossoms Trivandrum and today we had a medical camp project at Devaki Memorial Trust, accommodating patients who come for cancer treatment at Regional Cancer Institute, Trivandrum. The medical camp was for the by-standees of the patients. 

As the by-standees joined us for the check-up, a frail, quite elderly aunty politely refused a chair to sit. She said they are from Palakkad and are here for her husband's psychiatric treatment and also had a cast to join a hand fracture. The pharmacies are refusing to sell her medicines as the prescription is more than a year old and were here to see if our team of doctors could help with a new prescription. 

I ushered her to one of our panel members but was wondering why they are in Trivandrum ... I got talking to Padmini aunty of the shelter who said, they are here not for cancer treatment. 

They are here because their son ABANDONED them in Trivandrum a month back.  

Here is there story, put together as narrated by 82 year old Mr. R.C Menon (Ramachandran Menon), H/O Leela Menon and S/O Unni Anniyan Raja... they hail from Calicut but for generations have been in Kopam, Palakkad. 

Born in 1930, Mr. R. C Menon joined Air Force. After four years of service, his father who was a powerful landlord with endless paddy fields called his son back from service. Menon uncle completed his BSc while helping his dad, got married. Got blessed with a son, Remesh and daughter Rema.

His eyes lit up when he narrates how he encouraged his daughter to study beyond graduation but she wanted to get married. He married her off with all wealth given to an only daughter and today she is settled in Pudhupariyarum, Palakkad after her husband retired from Forest Office as Range Officer, Nilambur.

His son did not proceed beyond Std 10th. He grew up to be his destiny to being a homeless today. According to Menon uncle, he says his son is a loafer (sic). He says his son's careless attitude made him a mental patient and is today under treatment. Leela aunty said they had to sell of their property to treat uncle’s severe depression. Her eyes are grey and dilated as any 72 year old. It moves to see those eyes well up and voice trail as she says we were very well off once. 

After selling all their property, they moved from Palakkad to Guruvayoor and stayed there for 10 years. When living got tough, they approached Chemmanur Bobby to ask if they could be accommodated at his poor home in Chennai. They were taken to Chennai and stayed there till Menon uncle fractured his arm two months back. When their son heard they are in a good place, knew they might have money to spare and promised to take care of them. He brought them to Trivandrum Medical College, a month back.

The 82 year old uncle and 73 year old aunty were evicted from their hotel room when their son absconded. The homeless couple had nowhere to go but to Medical College police station. They had only one request: not to separate them when putting them into poor homes. 

Padmini aunty of Devaki shelter said they cannot keep Menon uncle and Leela aunty for more time here as its to house cancer treatment patients and bystanders. I asked uncle and aunty where they want to go. Their eyes welled up when pleading NOT to send them to their daughter's place. Their relatives have ignored them. They have relatives all over Calicut, Palakkad region. Uncle's treatment is with Dr. Jyothi K.S of Medical College, Trichur. 

Hence, both of them want to go back to where they feel safe… not Palakkad but Trichur. 

My soul shook as I heard of this cancer of abandoning aged parents by their children. Aunty's frail frame is determined to support her husband, who still holds his head high and speaks impeccable English.  

My quest has begun: to find an old aged home in Trichur. To see their remaining few years are spend with dignity and see a quiet sunset to their life. Even if it takes numerous phone calls or even visits, with a little help from anyone of you with details of such old age homes. 

I got their daughter, Rema's phone number but she never answers any call I made. I spoke to uncle’s Dr, who confirmed all the details but asked me to call him again on Monday. Aunty's frail body shook in deep sobs that were held back as we got up to leave. They did not want to let go of my hand.... esp. after we came to know Kozhipuam, Vappala, Pannikode families of mine were closely related to Uncle's family - Kunnath of Calicut and aunty’s who knows many in Ottapalam, my native place. 

I am mentioning the family names here not to flaunt them but to see if any reader of this page would know even a nano detail about uncle and aunty.  

They will not be send out of Devaki shelter till their desired old aged home is found in Trichur, confirmed Padmini aunty. I will visit them ever week. 

Please dislike any of your friends who are not taking care of their aged parents and are living a cushion life. Please distance those who ignore the frail hands that once held theirs while crossing roads or feeding them. This is a new type of cancer – abandoning aged parents. My fight against it begins today….

Sunday, August 11, 2013


Does parenting under pressure help?

“It takes a village to raise a child” – An African saying

This is not about ALL of us but a growing number of parents… There could be hundreds of parents and grandparents who are not in the situations mentioned here. You are blessed if so and pray you remain blessed thus! 

How many of us feel exhausted by parenting in the current economic and social express growth?

In a half-day seminar held at my workplace, the consultant said their organisation believes, we all should return to joint family system from the nuclear family model.

Nuclear family model is prevalent in metros and is fast catching up in rural India too. I am not going into stats on such growth here as the concern is not the trend but whether joint family system is what we need.

the consultant who came spoke slight dated saying parenting in earlier times, even the childhood of the current 30-40 year old was simpler than today. This is true. I agree. But why was it simpler?

Because the entry of Information Technology happened around 20 years back and the then parents were not subjected to US dream, buying property, sending kids to expensive school, buying touch phones, working day-night shift etc. They led a simpler life and hence their children too led a simpler life and parenting was simplified than today.

But the now 30 year- 40 years old, got campus selected by India's Top IT companies and the first lot to reach US, inspired the next wave to do the same... they first lot to flaunt their wealth made by working in IT sector inspired the second and forthcoming hundreds of lots to work in IT sector.

This resulted in better living standards and buying power. Resulted in both parents getting employed. Also resulted in parents aging without their children around them.

But things got difficult to handle for them and they started to look at their parents to bring up their children while both parents went to work.

Parenting got "outsourced" to a good extent. But there starts the first level of scrutiny by the grandparents. How much time you spend with your child vs. time spent on using laptop and on phone. Grandparents and their grandchildren were brought together by the need for parents to work to support their standard of living..

If parenting got measured and assessed at home on how much time (some label it as "quality time), peers assessed on what is the latest model of PlayStation your child was bought, how many iPads, touch phones are at home, which is the foreign destination for holidays etc.

It doesn’t end there, at schools children talk how what model, make of cars their parents drive, the gadgets at home and take back with them what their friends have. Only to prompt their parents to buy the same or better model.

What does the working parents do? As an answer to the less time spend with children, they bend to their pressure in the name of "making kids happy" and buy what they demand.

Thus the needs increase and number of hours parents spend on work and at workplace increases.

But is joint family the answer? No, I don’t think so. Why? Read on...

Grandparents of today need not depend on their children to support them like how it was till early 80's. They get decent pension or those who do not have pension have own houses build from savings and small savings help them survive. They want peace of mind and space. Not stubborn grandchildren and their workaholic parents.

Grandparents are not meant as substitute for day care. Today I know many grandparents who do not approve their children leaving their kids with them. As this restricts their freedom to enjoy their old age the way they want.

So how do we change the system? Where do we start?

We start from within ourselves. We start by taking hard decisions to live life simpler. It starts from the new-age organisations we work for. It starts in the schools we send our children to study. It starts in educating all parenting is not a competition but a natural process which needs to be done with a happy mind.

Schools should educate their wards to appreciate the hard work being put in by parents and not to demand too much too often. Reward simplicity at workplace by encouraging Rewards and Recognition for people who come to office with just one phone and office laptop. Reward those who leave workplace on time to join their family.

We should stop our hands from picking the next iPad or Mac or iPhone from the shelf as the basic use of any phone is to make and receive calls. If your current phone does that basic function why pick an expensive one.

I am not asking for all parents to wear simplicity as a tattoo on their forehead.

But by simplifying our lives and learning to say "No" to unwarranted pressure, parenting will not be under pressure to keep up with expectations from our parents, peers, children and society in general.


 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Why is Indian media over reacting... all the time?


It adds on to all other stress in life.... It makes switching between channels a must during TV hour... It has become a habit to drop the newspaper from hand seeing a road accident picture, in the mornings... it has become a must-have activity to read the Tweets to reconfirm TV news and vice versa....

News today is not News... but Nuisance.

Why a section of the citizens feel, there is is high competition amongst media houses which is resulting in poor journalism?

Cut and paste the main deadlines of three newspapers for a week. There will be no positive news.

Watch the 9pm news hour on three-four news channels for a week. There will be no positive news.

Scroll down the Tweets and here... maybe here you may find good tweets from NGOs etc.

What is rotting the standard of journalism is basically the urge or rush to "BREAK NEWS"!

We have more 600+ TV channels, 2000+ publications and around 250+ FM stations.. Not to say the million+ Twitteratis whose job is nothing less than citizen journalism?

How many "Breaking News" can the mentioned media sources publish in a day.... unless they convert even a minor neighbourhood quarrel over border a political, religion or minority issue!!

Every media house be in print, electronic or social.... is in tearing hurry to be the "first" to report any event as breaking news.

As a citizen, I want the media regulation to begin with a simple step: No more "Breaking News" on TV channels. Report news in your regular news hours. We will still watch and listen to you.

Stop asking grieving relatives, "How and when did it happen" esp on hospital premises. We hate you for not respecting their privacy.

Also please do not repeat the same headlines with different structuring and create panic amongst us. We have the ability to apply our senses and make out which is a repeat news but structured differently.

Citizens depend on you to guide us when there is danger to our lives when stepping out. Please stop exaggerating the situation instilling fear and panic in our minds. By watching a news hour in 4 different channels, every hartal or strike seems to look like a civil war and confuses the citizen if he/she should stay indoors or step out to go to workplace.

If all the above need to materialise, we do not need external regulations. That’s restriction of freedom of speech. What we need i every media house CEO takes the decision to stick to good journalism and have their news desk publish, report 7 good, positive stories to 3 negative or tragic stories. This is DOABLE!

Just that the nation will need to sober down, the throaty reporter in casual, crumpled clothes will need to smile and look relaxed more times than running after a cow that broke it leash by mistake and report it as torture of animals in a panchayat. This will mean we are subjected to stories of citizens, leaders who ARE DOING GOOD in the society and we are growing.

Such self-regulations means only qualified, dignified journalists get to do real journalism and all those who cannot do perish and go to another planet.

We do not need external regulations in media... but self-discipline and good journalism by self-regulation.

Will the media houses Unite Or will they squabble over tough decisions?

Lets wait for the next "Breaking News" to know about it :) :)