Does parenting under pressure help?

“It takes a village to raise a child” – An African saying

This is not about ALL of us but a growing number of parents… There could be hundreds of parents and grandparents who are not in the situations mentioned here. You are blessed if so and pray you remain blessed thus! 

How many of us feel exhausted by parenting in the current economic and social express growth?

In a half-day seminar held at my workplace, the consultant said their organisation believes, we all should return to joint family system from the nuclear family model.

Nuclear family model is prevalent in metros and is fast catching up in rural India too. I am not going into stats on such growth here as the concern is not the trend but whether joint family system is what we need.

the consultant who came spoke slight dated saying parenting in earlier times, even the childhood of the current 30-40 year old was simpler than today. This is true. I agree. But why was it simpler?

Because the entry of Information Technology happened around 20 years back and the then parents were not subjected to US dream, buying property, sending kids to expensive school, buying touch phones, working day-night shift etc. They led a simpler life and hence their children too led a simpler life and parenting was simplified than today.

But the now 30 year- 40 years old, got campus selected by India's Top IT companies and the first lot to reach US, inspired the next wave to do the same... they first lot to flaunt their wealth made by working in IT sector inspired the second and forthcoming hundreds of lots to work in IT sector.

This resulted in better living standards and buying power. Resulted in both parents getting employed. Also resulted in parents aging without their children around them.

But things got difficult to handle for them and they started to look at their parents to bring up their children while both parents went to work.

Parenting got "outsourced" to a good extent. But there starts the first level of scrutiny by the grandparents. How much time you spend with your child vs. time spent on using laptop and on phone. Grandparents and their grandchildren were brought together by the need for parents to work to support their standard of living..

If parenting got measured and assessed at home on how much time (some label it as "quality time), peers assessed on what is the latest model of PlayStation your child was bought, how many iPads, touch phones are at home, which is the foreign destination for holidays etc.

It doesn’t end there, at schools children talk how what model, make of cars their parents drive, the gadgets at home and take back with them what their friends have. Only to prompt their parents to buy the same or better model.

What does the working parents do? As an answer to the less time spend with children, they bend to their pressure in the name of "making kids happy" and buy what they demand.

Thus the needs increase and number of hours parents spend on work and at workplace increases.

But is joint family the answer? No, I don’t think so. Why? Read on...

Grandparents of today need not depend on their children to support them like how it was till early 80's. They get decent pension or those who do not have pension have own houses build from savings and small savings help them survive. They want peace of mind and space. Not stubborn grandchildren and their workaholic parents.

Grandparents are not meant as substitute for day care. Today I know many grandparents who do not approve their children leaving their kids with them. As this restricts their freedom to enjoy their old age the way they want.

So how do we change the system? Where do we start?

We start from within ourselves. We start by taking hard decisions to live life simpler. It starts from the new-age organisations we work for. It starts in the schools we send our children to study. It starts in educating all parenting is not a competition but a natural process which needs to be done with a happy mind.

Schools should educate their wards to appreciate the hard work being put in by parents and not to demand too much too often. Reward simplicity at workplace by encouraging Rewards and Recognition for people who come to office with just one phone and office laptop. Reward those who leave workplace on time to join their family.

We should stop our hands from picking the next iPad or Mac or iPhone from the shelf as the basic use of any phone is to make and receive calls. If your current phone does that basic function why pick an expensive one.

I am not asking for all parents to wear simplicity as a tattoo on their forehead.

But by simplifying our lives and learning to say "No" to unwarranted pressure, parenting will not be under pressure to keep up with expectations from our parents, peers, children and society in general.