Saturday, June 3, 2017

Vulnerable


 He was a surgeon. She was into management consulting.

Initial communication was to address a condition a peer in office was going through.

Once that was settled, they moved in separate ways. Ideally that should be end of all.

But it wasn't to be.

Both led lives stretched to its limit. She was a single-parent. Her two children were in middle school. He had one child and had a full family around. Yet, they both led lives they wished would change soon. ASAP.

Since such changes happen only in movies, the real life script had something different in store. Their paths crossed.

For around seven months there were just happy birthday messages that went back and forth. Then a quick note asking for help from a reliable legal expert came from him. She was not sure if it would be worth the risk to take up a task for someone she hardly knew.

Yet, considering the situation in their society was getting worse due to the anti-social elements in the area, she thought it to be imperative to help. And after getting a non-disclosure agreement agreed by her lawyer friend, she connected him and the lawyer.

She is not sure why, but the lawyer friend did not find the filed complaint enough a reason to take it up to the authorities. Hence that task went into limbo.

Conversations were once a week or so related to the status of the case etc. Sometimes when he would get back late from duty, would drop a message around 1:00 am too. She dismissed the timing as a network delay. (Those were the days without instant chats like you and I enjoy today).

Somewhere in one of her replies, she said the day is a busy one since she is the cornerstone for her children. His one word response - 'Ditto' - threw open the conversation into long hours ones.

Throwing caution into winds, the messages got longer about each other's life story. She was taken aback when he reeled out all her professional details, native place and even her residence address. That should have set the alarm in her head. It did not.

On the other hand, she knew only his full name printed on the hospital catalogue and that's it. Because she didn't think it warranted any further investigation.

His interest in her, her story, her life, her daily routine etc made her feel nice. Though there was a clause of zero-emotional involvement by both of them, staying in touch became a need.

He revealed very little about himself. Claimed he is a man of few words and too much stress. Said in his family he has someone who is fighting a medical condition. His child needs him more these days. He would respond to any queries asked and not proactively talk like she used to. And if there were more than three or four queries would stop replying or ask if that day was only for questions.

He would never call on phone and once when she tried to sent a very harsh text saying he will never take calls and only texts. She should have stopped right there. Other than his once in a while outrage, he was generally a good person. Yet, she should have gone by her sixth sense.

After four months of texting, his texts slowly reduced to just monosyllabic ones. There were hours and hours gaps between texts which was unusual. He had put in a clause of saying there shouldn't be a gap of more than five minutes between texts. If she did not respond, will see him appear at her door step.

The long night texts stopped all of a sudden. She asked him if he met someone else or got back someone he lost back into his life. This outraged him since she indirectly mentioned someone who had introduced her to him one year back.

In her mind, she was very clear it had to be another woman who would have a power to break their bonding. And since he had claimed long time back of having very few friends outside his domain, it had to be someone who is from his fraternity. It had to be someone who he knew for long. All these going by his claims of being not on social network, not socializing much due to his responsibilities at home.

She knew the other lady had moved to Bangalore a year back. Her husband was away in Canada for some course. She was alone here till then. She assumed he must have got friendly and close with her and her departure left him lonely in his stressful life. Anything asked to him about this, was met with never before seen reactions. She got all the more annoyed with his impatient responses. If there was nothing beyond a peer relationship, why is he getting worked up?

And in the radio silence that followed, she tried to put the puzzle together. Both she and the Bangalore lady were single (the Bangalore one for a period of a year or two), both of them looked a little alike, both were slightly different from women of their age. Maybe it was his 'pattern' to find such profiles and get friendly.

She was just a pit-stop for him till his love got back to him or maybe they already were involved and he wanted some variety.

Though on the fringe of emotional involvement, she found it very easy to speak up and ask directly. He said it was futile to fight in an emotionless relationship and he has his own reasons to stop texting her. It was his stress at work and life. She had a good, good laugh at this.

Knew he was lying through his teeth. He got bored, that's it. He needed variety as temporary distraction while he kept strong his bond in Bangalore. And he was finding her too clinging as a friend and wanted to break off. Yet wanted her to go away on her own.

Though this attitude from a buddy was unexpected and an open talk would have made her respect him, she was glad and relieved when they decided to turn into strangers.

At times, she does think he might be right about the stress levels etc but then those were not new in his life and so why worry about it now! She lost trust in acquaintances, she got anxious when a man got asking about her. She just got suspicious of intentions.

Fate would have it, she got to work with a NGO that works with his hospital. But she made it very sure he never got the wind of it because he was a stranger and she wished never to bump into him. For years she was in and out of the place. And it went on for years.

In their mid-40s, the paths crossed again. This was during an AGM of the institution and they were invitees. She hardly recognized him. He didn't flinch either. A text beeped in her phone.

No more vulnerable to his texts, without reading it, she walked up to him, looked into his eyes and said, "You left behind nothing in me for you to play around with again...to kill. Stop texting."

He did not blink nor say anything. Yet held steady her gaze.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Why I think Bhallala Deva is not bad..


The first born is always the favorite in the family till a second born makes the entry.

Life for the first born changes from the day the family’s, neighbors’ attention shifts from his/her playful antics to that of the baby. His baby talk, baby looks all seem to be upgraded to “grow up, now you have a younger one to take care of” statements, if not spoken but hinted at.

As we grow up, the first born is compared with the second born, if the second is smarter, studious, playful, and darling of the folks. Also makes the first born move into a cocoon of their own. They seem to make way for the second one’s heroics unwillingly. They seem to be seen weaker than the second born. Less intelligent and less sensitive. The first born is made to feel like a ‘mistake born’.

All thanks to the smart second born. If not for their appearance, the first born would have seen as the perfect one for the family.

That’s exactly what happened with Bhallala Deva in Mahishmati

He was born a normal prince with all princely qualities. Till his cousin Baahubali was born.

Baahubali was in every sense the charmer, smarter, studios of the two. Sivagami, the Queen was fond of Baahubali which also had a fact of him being orphaned. Bhallaladeva was pushed to the sidelines though the two Princess were trained, coached, rewarded equally. Yet Bhallala Deva knew his own mother loved him a little less than how much she loved Baahubali.

It pushed him into a forced silence every time Baahubali shone. This gave his scheming father opportunities to influence his son’s thinking. Knowingly or unknowingly, Bhallala Ddeva distanced from his queen mother’s positive influence. He saw Baahubali was taking a lion’s share of the love he was legally and by birth had right to. Yet, he knew there was no way he can force his own mother to give him priority.

Silently, willingly or unwillingly, made way for Baahubali in every path of life. Somewhere he erred too, coming under his wicked father’s and equally wicked advisers. Yet, when his father asks him to murder his mother so that Baahubali’s growth is studded, Bhallaladeva does not heed to his command. He has the goodness in him still somewhere within him.

The only time Bhallala Deva felt his mother give him the best is when she agrees to get Devasena for him. Who he eventually lost to Baahubali.

But in order to keep her word given to her own son, Sivagami strips Baahubali of his title of the King of Mahishmati (since she gave him options to choose and he chose...well...you know who) and in turn Bhallala Deva is crowned the King. Though Bhallala Deva is the actual hire to the throne that, it came to him not willingly.

Neither the throne nor the people of the kingdom wanted him to sit on it. Somewhere in the past, for having made way for Baahubali, Bhallala Deva lost all opportunities to win the hearts of the people and the throne. Even when he does get the throne finally, as and when the son of his rival is born, due to the design of events unfolding around which he and his dad were the masterminds, queen mother snatches the very throne she gave her son, Bhallala Deva and hands it to the new born Mahendra Baahubali, his nephew, son of his rival cousin Amarendra Baahubali.

A loser in all aspects, Bhallala Deva got the venom of revenge deep into the core of his bones. The transforming events from an innocent new born, into a sidelined youth, to that of a revenger is not something he himself would have wanted to happen yet happens.

If Baahubali was not orphaned, if the Sivagami had not been in a confusion who to crown as the King and preferred the popular, smarter, charming, talented Baahubali, had Baahubali not been born, who knows maybe Bhallala Deva would have been the good hearted Prince.

Haven’t a majority of the first born and a few second born not wised they were the only child of their parents?

Bhallala Deva was not born bad.

Monday, January 16, 2017


Why I have a bucket list for ME :)

My bucket list is not a long to-do things in a lifetime... at least for me. The list includes things that I do not want to do and wish someone else does for me.

The bucket list contain things like standing up in class when asked to stand up if the class project is not done. Wish someone else stands up, not me,

To sit for my Math exam and solve just the sums that greet me saying Hi, stranger!

To say No, to a love letter from someone I dread to even look at in college :D

When I have to choose between Mom and Dad when they have an argument!

The bucket list of what I don't want to do also has wish someone takes the side for me, when two of my best friends stop talking to each other!

 Wish someone else would feel the pain when a new shoe bites me :)

Wish someone else’s heartbreak if Farhan Akthar finds his ‘girl’ :D (I don’t want this to happen….the finding part, I meant)

List wishes someone else to get scared and scream when watching a horror flick and get strange looks from other in the theatre or the scorn from family if watching at home.

Wish I don't have to ask for my pads from the pharmacy manned by men (Yeah, am no feminist to walk in there, slam the table, look straight into their eyes and demand "Whisper!)

Wish I don't have to be the first in the traffic row when light turns red... because will have less time to check my WhatsApp! :D

The bucket list has things like wish I don't see a still escalator at office when about to check in and the formidable staircase beckons me... wish someone else would climb it for me... :D

Bucket list says wish someone folds the clothes from the clothesline at the end of the day when all I want to do is sleeeeep!

Bucket list says, wish I don't have to be told "working women are to spend 'quality time' with family by any social cultural custodians on a TV panel! I can lip synch such lines.... beaten to death this topic is, yet is told in abundance!

My bucket list gets new member almost every time I wince, says "Oh! No", Jeez, here it comes!... But why me... types of statement. My bucket list is different.... it has only things which someone else can do for me :D

Err... did you call me lazy bones?

Hehehe.... just for 5 days a year, wish to be so... and no, this is not in my bucket list but "Bouquet list"! The ones, I will do... be they be outrageous, strictly no-no, dangerous for my "age" or sheer jealousy! :)