Sunday, August 11, 2013


Does parenting under pressure help?

“It takes a village to raise a child” – An African saying

This is not about ALL of us but a growing number of parents… There could be hundreds of parents and grandparents who are not in the situations mentioned here. You are blessed if so and pray you remain blessed thus! 

How many of us feel exhausted by parenting in the current economic and social express growth?

In a half-day seminar held at my workplace, the consultant said their organisation believes, we all should return to joint family system from the nuclear family model.

Nuclear family model is prevalent in metros and is fast catching up in rural India too. I am not going into stats on such growth here as the concern is not the trend but whether joint family system is what we need.

the consultant who came spoke slight dated saying parenting in earlier times, even the childhood of the current 30-40 year old was simpler than today. This is true. I agree. But why was it simpler?

Because the entry of Information Technology happened around 20 years back and the then parents were not subjected to US dream, buying property, sending kids to expensive school, buying touch phones, working day-night shift etc. They led a simpler life and hence their children too led a simpler life and parenting was simplified than today.

But the now 30 year- 40 years old, got campus selected by India's Top IT companies and the first lot to reach US, inspired the next wave to do the same... they first lot to flaunt their wealth made by working in IT sector inspired the second and forthcoming hundreds of lots to work in IT sector.

This resulted in better living standards and buying power. Resulted in both parents getting employed. Also resulted in parents aging without their children around them.

But things got difficult to handle for them and they started to look at their parents to bring up their children while both parents went to work.

Parenting got "outsourced" to a good extent. But there starts the first level of scrutiny by the grandparents. How much time you spend with your child vs. time spent on using laptop and on phone. Grandparents and their grandchildren were brought together by the need for parents to work to support their standard of living..

If parenting got measured and assessed at home on how much time (some label it as "quality time), peers assessed on what is the latest model of PlayStation your child was bought, how many iPads, touch phones are at home, which is the foreign destination for holidays etc.

It doesn’t end there, at schools children talk how what model, make of cars their parents drive, the gadgets at home and take back with them what their friends have. Only to prompt their parents to buy the same or better model.

What does the working parents do? As an answer to the less time spend with children, they bend to their pressure in the name of "making kids happy" and buy what they demand.

Thus the needs increase and number of hours parents spend on work and at workplace increases.

But is joint family the answer? No, I don’t think so. Why? Read on...

Grandparents of today need not depend on their children to support them like how it was till early 80's. They get decent pension or those who do not have pension have own houses build from savings and small savings help them survive. They want peace of mind and space. Not stubborn grandchildren and their workaholic parents.

Grandparents are not meant as substitute for day care. Today I know many grandparents who do not approve their children leaving their kids with them. As this restricts their freedom to enjoy their old age the way they want.

So how do we change the system? Where do we start?

We start from within ourselves. We start by taking hard decisions to live life simpler. It starts from the new-age organisations we work for. It starts in the schools we send our children to study. It starts in educating all parenting is not a competition but a natural process which needs to be done with a happy mind.

Schools should educate their wards to appreciate the hard work being put in by parents and not to demand too much too often. Reward simplicity at workplace by encouraging Rewards and Recognition for people who come to office with just one phone and office laptop. Reward those who leave workplace on time to join their family.

We should stop our hands from picking the next iPad or Mac or iPhone from the shelf as the basic use of any phone is to make and receive calls. If your current phone does that basic function why pick an expensive one.

I am not asking for all parents to wear simplicity as a tattoo on their forehead.

But by simplifying our lives and learning to say "No" to unwarranted pressure, parenting will not be under pressure to keep up with expectations from our parents, peers, children and society in general.


 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Why is Indian media over reacting... all the time?


It adds on to all other stress in life.... It makes switching between channels a must during TV hour... It has become a habit to drop the newspaper from hand seeing a road accident picture, in the mornings... it has become a must-have activity to read the Tweets to reconfirm TV news and vice versa....

News today is not News... but Nuisance.

Why a section of the citizens feel, there is is high competition amongst media houses which is resulting in poor journalism?

Cut and paste the main deadlines of three newspapers for a week. There will be no positive news.

Watch the 9pm news hour on three-four news channels for a week. There will be no positive news.

Scroll down the Tweets and here... maybe here you may find good tweets from NGOs etc.

What is rotting the standard of journalism is basically the urge or rush to "BREAK NEWS"!

We have more 600+ TV channels, 2000+ publications and around 250+ FM stations.. Not to say the million+ Twitteratis whose job is nothing less than citizen journalism?

How many "Breaking News" can the mentioned media sources publish in a day.... unless they convert even a minor neighbourhood quarrel over border a political, religion or minority issue!!

Every media house be in print, electronic or social.... is in tearing hurry to be the "first" to report any event as breaking news.

As a citizen, I want the media regulation to begin with a simple step: No more "Breaking News" on TV channels. Report news in your regular news hours. We will still watch and listen to you.

Stop asking grieving relatives, "How and when did it happen" esp on hospital premises. We hate you for not respecting their privacy.

Also please do not repeat the same headlines with different structuring and create panic amongst us. We have the ability to apply our senses and make out which is a repeat news but structured differently.

Citizens depend on you to guide us when there is danger to our lives when stepping out. Please stop exaggerating the situation instilling fear and panic in our minds. By watching a news hour in 4 different channels, every hartal or strike seems to look like a civil war and confuses the citizen if he/she should stay indoors or step out to go to workplace.

If all the above need to materialise, we do not need external regulations. That’s restriction of freedom of speech. What we need i every media house CEO takes the decision to stick to good journalism and have their news desk publish, report 7 good, positive stories to 3 negative or tragic stories. This is DOABLE!

Just that the nation will need to sober down, the throaty reporter in casual, crumpled clothes will need to smile and look relaxed more times than running after a cow that broke it leash by mistake and report it as torture of animals in a panchayat. This will mean we are subjected to stories of citizens, leaders who ARE DOING GOOD in the society and we are growing.

Such self-regulations means only qualified, dignified journalists get to do real journalism and all those who cannot do perish and go to another planet.

We do not need external regulations in media... but self-discipline and good journalism by self-regulation.

Will the media houses Unite Or will they squabble over tough decisions?

Lets wait for the next "Breaking News" to know about it :) :)